Tates memorial ticker

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Sharing my experience!

Since this experience with losing Tate I have turned to a lot of different places for comfort or understanding in all of this. One of these places was to reading other mother's blogs who had lost babies in a similar way to Tate. By reading these blogs I have come to have a different perspective of things, and I can see how sharing their feelings has helped them with their grieving process. I'm hoping I can open up and share my day to day feelings of how I'm coping with this experience, and gain the peace I need.

June 12, 2011

I’m sure some of you have heard about the loss of our little boy, I want to share the story of what happened because a lot of people have questions and this will help everyone who feels uncomfortable asking us, Tate is very much a part of our lives and we are very open to speaking about him.

June 11, 2011 was supposed to be a happy day, and it started out as one. Wes and I got up as normal and got ready for his brother Casey’s wedding. We went to their sealing at the St. George Temple. I think that was the perfect place for me to be before our world came crashing down. It helped reassure the knowledge that our family is forever, Tate is ours forever!

After the sealing and pictures, we went to the wedding luncheon. After the luncheon was over, Wes and I went home for a break between the luncheon and reception. I started to have some pain in my back and so we decided to lie down for an hour. Wes rubbed my back and I started to feel better. I got up to start getting ready at about 6 p.m. and I could just tell that something wasn’t right. I called my doctor and told him what was going on. I didn’t have any pain or bleeding I just knew that something wasn’t right. He told me that he thought I should go into the E.R. and just get everything checked out, and if things weren’t right they would call him and let him know.

We got to the E.R. at about 7 p.m. and they immediately got us in. I told them my symptoms and the nurse started checking for a heartbeat, she found one and it was 152!! We both started crying, we thought everything was going to be ok. Then the E.R. doctor came in, I told him my whole story over again, and he ordered a pelvic ultrasound. About half an hour later the ultrasound tech came and got me, and just took me alone and said Wes could just stay in the room. So she starts looking at the baby, and he was there. He looked perfect, but I could tell he wasn’t moving, I kept trying to tell myself that he was just sleeping. But in my heart I knew he was gone. The tech said that she needed to go get the radiologist because he was going to finish up with me. Then she came back about 10 minutes later and said she couldn’t find him. She came back and started looking at the baby again and tried measuring the heartbeat, and wasn’t getting one. She wasn’t saying anything to me though; she just kept measuring him and showing me his head and body. Then the E.R. doctor came back in and asked if she found a heart beat yet? She said “no”, and that was the first I had heard of it. I knew that she hadn’t but it’s the hardest thing in the world to hear that your baby is gone. I started crying and the doctor turned to me and said “I’m sorry but you’ve lost your baby”. I asked if I could see my husband. They walked me down the hallway back to my room, and there they had a stretcher and an EMT crew waiting outside in the hallway for me. I was so shocked that they had all of this waiting for me already. I didn’t even get to talk to Wes, but he had heard people out in the hall calling my Doctor, Dr. Chalmers and knew that things went wrong. I just looked at him and we could just feel each other’s pain.

They put me in the ambulance and rushed me over to Labor and Delivery hospital, I then found out that Dr. Chalmers would be meeting us there. Wes was able to ride over in the front of the ambulance. We got to the other hospital and they checked me in and hooked me up to an IV, took more blood and asked a lot of questions. It was about 9:30 p.m. and Wes had called his parents and mine and they showed up shortly after we arrived.

Dr. Chalmers showed up at about 10 p.m. and explained to us what had happened. He said that I have an Incompetent Cervix. It means that my cervix is weak, and once the baby starts to get bigger my cervix just kind of gives out. The baby started to go into the birth canal and the umbilical cord got kinked which cut off oxygen to him. It is such a hard thing to know that my body was the reason all of this happened.

They induced me and I delivered Tate Wesley Pettus at 1:18 a.m. June 12, 2011. He weighed 5.5 ounces and was 7.5 inches long. He was so perfect; he had ten fingers and ten toes. He had Wes’ nose and my lips and chin. We got to see him and hold him. The nurses took him after we held him for awhile and brought him back in a tiny cute yarn beanie and a little blue gown. They took his hand and feet prints and gave us a certificate with his name and stats on it.

We stayed overnight and left Sunday afternoon. We were referred by the hospital to McMillan Mortuary, they did everything for the services we had on Friday June 17, 2011. We were so grateful for all of their help and generosity. I have pictures from the services that I will hopefully put up soon.

Update on Tate's ultrasounds

Here is an update on pictures from Tate's ultrasounds.

I went for my 16 week ultra sound appointment on May 31st. We found out that we were having a boy!! Wes knew the whole time that we were having a boy, I didn’t care either way. I was so excited when I found out we were expecting a boy. Now I so badly want to have a boy next!

Tate at 16 weeks

I had my 12 week ultrasound April 29th. This was my first appointment with my new Doctor since we had moved back from Kansas, He wanted to do an ultrasound to make sure my due date was calculated correctly. The ultra sound went really good. I always was so amazed at how such a little person could change my world so much just by seeing him or feeling him. During this ultrasound I really felt a connection with Tate. He had grown and developed so much since the 10 week ultrasound.

Tate 12 weeks
Tate 12 weeks
Everything was going really good with Tate and with me at both check ups. He was perfectly healthy and growing so well. We never expected what would happen in the next 2 weeks.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Big updates

I haven't blogged in over two months and now I feel horrible because I have so much to catch up on.
Wes and I have moved back to Hurricane... We moved back on April 21st and 22nd. The company Wes was working for was finishing up the job in Hutchinson, and they were gonna be moving to King Fischer,OK. We had kinda had it with living in the mid west, and had started feeling like we needed to go back to Utah for some reason. Wes had been offered a job with Interstate Rock awhile back, and he called one of the owners to see if the offer was still available. It was, and we moved the next weekend! We love being back close to our family, and can kind of understand why we needed to be back here right now!